Thursday, August 5, 2004 10:23 PM CDT

TODAY IS CAROL’S BIRTHDAY


There was a time that we weren’t really certain that Carol would make it to last year’s birthday but she did—and then we hoped she would make it to this one but it was not to be. When we left the Ireland Cancer Center on July 1, 2004 we had no idea there was so little time remaining. Outside of Cleveland, we stopped at one of our favorite restaurant chains, The Cracker Barrel, and had what was to be our last lunch together.

During the ensuring days Carol received many visitors from near and far. She emailed many from around the world and answered others while she had the strength to do so. On July 8th as I recall, Carol had already informed one of her Heidelberg classmates that she did not expect to last the month. But she never complained. On Thursday evening July 15th as we were preparing to leave for the evening she said to her mother and me, “I love you guys; I wish I could stay awake to talk to you more” and we responded , “We love you too, Carol”. And that was our last communication.  Carol had no pain and passed peacefully into the hands of the Lord at approximately 1320 on Sunday, July 18, 2004.

Yes, we are deeply saddened by Carol’s passing but our spirits are also brightened by the knowledge that Carol helped to make such a difference in the lives of others. In the last few weeks we have received letters and emails from her friends in and out of government, recounting how Carol had been such a positive influence upon them.

Few who met Carol for the first time ever had a hint that Carol was hearing impaired. She had two hearing aids but usually wore but one. Carol was a very accomplished lip reader and rarely missed a word. Carol never viewed it as a handicap. Last year she told me that she wished she could have gotten the cochlear implant. The implant had been scheduled to be performed in November 2002 but had to be cancelled when Carol began chemo treatments.

Carol’s husband Phil preceded Carol in death, having passed on December 26, 2001 from Prostrate Cancer. Approximately 10 months later, Carol was diagnosed with cancer a few hours after entering an emergency room. Within a couple of days it was determined to be Stage IV breast cancer.

Carol would want each of you to know and to spread the word that cancer can still be conquered. Statistics do show that an ever increasing number of cancers are being beaten and surviveability rates for some cancers is increasing. EARLY DETECTION IS STILL ESSENTIAL. Carol would say:

Men, if you are 40 or over, have your PSA checked. This is still no guarantee but it sure is a good indicator. One of Phil’s close friends is now cancer free as a result getting the check and having the operation.

Women should have a mammogram if 40 or over and perhaps earlier depending on family history. Carol had the mammogram at age 35 and two beyond that to include one a month prior to being diagnosed. All were negative. The breast cancer was located in the tail section of the breast, which is not visible in a mammogram. A very high level of Calcium was said to indicate that the cancer had been present for some time.

Women should consider other means of being screened to include MRI’s or ultra sound.  These procedures may not be covered by your insurance but if you are at high risk and can afford it, you might want to consider it. In all instances, discuss with you physician.

It was not until after Carol had passed away that her mother and I learned Carol had left an undated letter, which by its content had to have been written in October or November 2002. Let me share a portion with you.

Dear Mom and Dad,

You have given me the greatest gift and that is the Gift of Life.  Although my life was cut way too short, I lived a very fulfilling life, Despite the things that I wished for and never received I was very happy and fulfilled because I was always challenged and I enjoyed these challenges. Everyone saw me as being more challenged than I was but I never felt over-challenged because being perceived as being over-challenged in my opinion means that I must have suffered or failed. I never felt that. I only felt stronger.

We never talked much about my belief in God or a place after this place. I want you to know that I had no fear of dying because I believe that I will be in a good place and that I will be with Phil again. It was Thursday night, October 18th before I saw my family doctor that I lay in bed asleep and woke up and saw this white gloved hand signaling me to follow him from above and I believe that it was Phil telling me it was okay to follow because there was a good life there and that there was golf in Heaven.
I didn't realize the significance of that hand until I received the news of my cancer. Then it all fell into place.

Please know that I had no fear of dying because of this belief. I only feared pain and suffering.

Carol

On July 9th I sent Carol an email. I wanted her to know for certain what I wished to say on behalf of her Mother and me. It read in part:

Carol,

No matter how many times we say "I love you" it seems it can not be said enough times. We do love you so much and regret that your wonderful life has to be shortened by this dreadful disease.

There will always be lasting memories of your youth, adolesence, and adult life that we will forever cherish to the grave and beyond. Yes, I do believe there is a "beyond" and it is there we all shall be reunited with those who have passed before us, a place that is said to be free of pain and the strife which is all too common in this world.

I will always remember as a young man going to Saturday Catechism and will never forget the Nuns telling us that we had to have FAITH. This underlies our belief in God. I hope you too have the Faith.

It is comforting to your Mother and me that you were able to do a lot of things you wanted to do with your friends, both at home and away and that you did them when you were able to be like the "old Carol" COMPLETE WITH HAIR. For a few months you enjoyed a quality of Life well beyond what your Mother and I had thought possible.

We love you Carol!!! And we'll probably say it again and again. You're GREAT!!

Love Dad and Mom

Carol did read the email and she told me the next day it had made her cry. We embraced.

On the day of Carol's Funeral Mass, her brother Jeffrey delivered the Eulogy which I will only quote in part.  Some of us have met for the first time in the days since Carol died...some of us are acquaintances, some of us are friends, some of us have known each other our entire lives, and some of you I've yet to meet. What I find remarkable about this observation is that I feel like I've known all of you for years, when in fact this is not possible but Carol made it possible for me to feel as I do....because of the way that she made me feel about all of you when she spoke about you, her friends, her greatest treasure.

Carol lived life with a great sense of determination, optimism, and enthusiasm. These qualities enabled Carol to survive the last two years under unbearable circumstances.  Carol never ceased to amaze me; she never stopped fighting and she never stopped caring for her friends. Above all, Carol never gave up hope... she didn't even stop working. To stop would have signaled defeat, so she did not stop; she did not cease to laugh and, as was her habit, she did not cease to wonder how we all were and how she might help us...

Carol's determination was so great that she insisted on struggling up the stairs(with assistance) to shower every day until the day she died. During what would become Carol's last trek up the stairs we attempted to shorten the routine by blowdrying Carol's hair ourselves. Our goal was to get Carol back into bed where she could rest but as we guided Carol out of the bathroom she grabbed the doorframe with both hands and hauled us back in so that she could finish the job we had failed to do.

Carol's sense of humor provided comfort to me over the years so I must share with you the moment that took place not long after we reluctantly embraced the notion that Carol's body could no longer resist the cancer as it had for so many months. Carol, as many of you know, worked for the United States Secret Service,something she was extremely proud of. With a twinkle in her eye, Carol told me that she didn't want to apply for disability retirement. She went on to say that if she died in a "retired" status she wouldn't get a full page in the quarterly Secret Service employee news letter. We laughed for a long time that day...and we laughed more in the days that followed.

Carol took great comfort in her wide circle of friends. You must know in your hearts that your friendships, your love, and your support enabled Carol to fight the good fight and that before Carol became ill you helped her to live a full and rewarding life.

Because you all meant so much to Carol and because Carol was human and inherently insecure at times, she sometimes would need reassurance that she was accepted and loved. I would always tell her loudly and emphatically that "EVERYBODY LOVES YOU...EVERYBODY LOVES CAROL".

When Carol passed away.... I know that she understood how much we all loved her......

TOP

Monday, July 19, 2004 9:36 AM CDT

Carol (Hirzel) Kover, age 43 of Pickerington, OH died Sunday July 18,2004 at her residence. Born August 5, 1960 in Joliet, Il, she was a graduate of Ohio State University.

Carol was a Human Resources Specialist for the United States Secret Service in Washington, DC, and a member of Seton Parish Catholic Church.

Preceded in death by her husband Philip A. Kover December 26, 2001, she is survived by her parents James & Sandra Hirzel, Reynoldsburg; sister Barb (Greg) Reeves, Pickerington; brother Jeffrey Hirzel, Albany; step-son Zachery Kover, Heath; grandmother Edna Hirzel, Pickerington; brother-in-law Dr. Alan (Lisa)Kover, Dublin; nieces Jamie and Alexis Hirzel, and special friend Mark Parshall.

Friends may visit 2-4 and 6-8 PM Wednesday at the DWAYNE R. SPENCE FUNERAL HOME, 550 Hill Road N (State Route #256), Pickerington.

Funeral Mass will be held at 10 AM Thursday at Seton Parish Catholic Church, 600 Hill Road N., with Fr. James Klima, Celebrant. Interment will be at Holy Cross Cemetery.

Friends who wish may contribute to Mt. Carmel Hospice or the American Cancer Society in Carol's memory.

On line condolences at www.caringbridge.com/oh/carol

TOP

Sunday, July 18, 2004 12:38 AM CDT

Carol passed this afternoon at approximately 1320 hours. Her Mother (Sandra) and her Father (Jim) along with her brother Jeff and Sister Barbara and special friend Mark Parshall were present when Carol passed.
The family appreciates all of the cards, emails received along with the many posts to Caring Bridge.
When Funeral arrangements are completed they will be posted on the Journal.


Jim and Sandy Hirzel

jhir@aol.com
honbiker@aol.com

TOP

Wednesday, July 14, 2004 11:21 AM CDT

I am Carol's father and I am writing because it is unlikely that Carol will be able to make her own entry. I hope she might agree with what I will write.

When Carol was diagnosed with Stage IV Breast Cancer it was already present in the lungs, liver, and bones. In the intervening months it has just been held in check. Now it can no longer be stopped.

Carol has waged a valiant fight against this terrible disease that invaded her body long before it was diagnosed nearly two years ago. All of you joined her in the fight by supporting her with your words of encouragement, sharing your experiences, and including her in your prayers.

It was just a few days ago when Carol's Dr told her that continuation of chemo or hormonal therapy would be to no avail. A short time later, Carol elected to accept Hospice Care which will continue with her until End of Life.

Carol was discharged to her home this past Saturday. She is comfortable, takes minimal medications, and has continued to receive friends from near and far.
Carol has likely already emailed friends from around the world. She was able to do so a week ago as I saw her fingers going rapidly around the keyboard for a couple of days before it became silent.

Carol met with her Priest yesterday and is prepared to meet her Maker. She still retains her Dignity-----and her hair---even as her Quality of Life has diminished.
She did enjoy a Quality of Life in the past few months that her Mother and I never expected her to have and which is chronicled in her journals.

Oh how we love her!!

My email is jhir@aol.com and her Mother is honbiker@aol.com.

Sunday, July 11, 2004 4:26 AM CDT

Just in case some of you might miss this post by Cindy, I thought I'd also post it as a journal entry. Please continue to keep Carol in your prayers. She needs them now more than ever. ~ Cheryl

******************

Carol's Aunt Judy emailed me today and asked that I post an update about Carol. This is the only way I can access this site, so I hope you read the messages. Carol is not doing well. Apparently, the cancer has spread to her liver and her lungs. She has been in the hospital all week. She is going home today and hospice will be helping out. Please keep her in your prayers! Things don't look good for our dear friend right now.

Cindy Pierce
Richmond, VA USA - Saturday, July 10, 2004 7:09 PM CDT

TOP

Sunday, June 27, 2004 6:13 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Well Wishers,

We had a great trip to Myrtle Beach! The weather was perfect and the boys enjoyed themselves and pretty much entertained themselves by golfing, playing putt putt, shopping, swimming in the ocean and pool and playing in the game rooms. On Wed night, I drove to the firehouse because I had been having a hard time breathing and they transported me by squad to the local hospital. After x rays and blood tests, they wanted to admit me to drain fluid from the lungs. I declined treatment and decided to take care of it when I got home.

Will see the dr. in the morning anyhow to get results of the last series of scans and will determine if I can still break from chemo for a while longer. I would love to have the summer off.

I've decided to see a psychologist about the depression. I guess there are some good drugs out there that can help me combat those 'low times' that I've never experienced in my life. This women is also a cancer survivor so I'm sure she can relate to me.

The spots in my eyes ended up not being cancerous. Probably spots I've had since birth. WHEW!

I drive to the Cleveland Clinic on Wed night for a Thursday AM appt. Looking forward to a 2nd opinion from somone that specializes in just breast cancer.

Cancer is still never far from my mind and neither is Phil and what he combatted. He dealt with it much better than I did or at least it seemed that way. His 46th birthday was June 11th. I visited his gravesite with flowers and a balloon.

No travel plans in the future for now. Got to give the Secret Service some hours back and work my butt off for a while again. SMILE.

Thanks for your continued emails of support.

Hugs, Carol K

TOP

Monday, June 7, 2004 12:04 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Well Wishers,

My surgery has been post poned til July sometime. I was worried I would not recover in time to enjoy my trip to Mrytle Beach with Zack and his friend on the 19th. The doctor had already moved it to June 10th from the 7th.

I'm seeing a Dr. Beth Overmeyer at the Cleveland Clinic on July 1st for a 2nd opinion. She specifically specializes in treatment of breast cancer. Now that I feel so good, another doctor advised me to seek the opinion before moving on to something else.

Due to all the hormones, depression has been my biggest battle. Never dealt with this before so not quite sure how to handle it. I try to stay busy by working and by looking ahead to my next trip. Being with friends and family is also the biggest booster for me. But now I have to admit, I know what depression is really all about.

I went to Muirfield Tournament on Saturday. The cicadas were everywhere! I couldn't hear them but it was obvious they annoyed the golfers. It was great getting out on a nice weather day to watch the golfers.

I went to see another eye doctor about the constant tearing. He prescribed some new medications and is sending me to the Retina center to get a better picture of the growth spots (believed to be cancer) behind the eyes on the 14th. Not sure what they will do for treatment of that.

I have a series of scans on the 16th and see the dr. on the 28th and then to Cleveland Clinic on July 1st. Will let you know what we hear.

Love and hugs, Carol

TOP

Wednesday, May 12, 2004 3:55 PM CDT

To my friends and well wishers near and afar!

I paid a visit to my surgeon last week regarding the mass that was found near the ovary. She had discussed the upcoming surgery with my oncologist prior to my visit as she was concerned about what to do if the mass was cancerous and/or if cancer was also found in the uterus. We discussed the option of doing a hysterectomy as well. I decided against having a hysterectomy and giving up six weeks of quality time for recovery. So I signed a consent only to have the laparascopic surgery and removal of the ovary (if necessary). Surgery date is June 7th. I am praying that this is only just a cyst as I've had in the past.

Will write after surgery and let you all know what was found.

I continue to feel pretty good. New medications have helped with the pain I was having in my feet and knees.

I had dinner twice with Kipp Woodard (HHS Grad 1977). He was here in town on business from Huntsville, AL. Will see him again in May or June. I have a picture of the two of us but am unable to scan it for posting on the board. Will try again later.

The hair is really coming back. I actually like it now. Just hope I don't lose it again!! Some people lose their hair two or three times!

I am flying my stepson, Zack, 17 and his friend to Myrtle Beach on June 19th-26th on Hooter's Airline. There will be real flight attendants on board along with two Hooter girls dressed in those cute little shorts and push up bras. I'm sure they will enjoy that! I hope to feel well enough to play some golf.

I continue to work but taking more time off to enjoy the quality of life that I have been having just in case I don't get the opportunity again. I just never know. It took me 17 months to get this break and there is no way of knowing if I'll get another break like this one. Only time has the answer.

My next series of bone scans, CT Scans, etc., are on June 16th and will see my oncologist on June 28th. He will determine if I can remain on the hormonal pill or go back to chemotherapy treatments. For now, I think things are going well. No new pain and my weight is staying up.

Take Care and keep the emails coming. I like to know you all care. Carol

TOP

Monday, April 26, 2004 5:35 PM CDT

Dear Friends and Well Wishers Abroad and Near,

You know, last year I took a walk in the park with my friend, Mark and told him that if I got well, I wanted to go back to Pebble Beach. At the time, I had really serious doubts that it would ever happen. I was so sick and lacked all hope that my dream would come true. I had no optimism at all. Well--it happened. We did it!

Today, I saw my wonderful Doctor. He is giving me at least two more months of hormonal therapy. Scans will be done on June 21st and read on June 28th so my plans to Myrtle Beach are on! We will leave on May 24th. Still not sure where we are staying. KATHY: Let me know the dates you are there and maybe we can connect!!

I saw a surgeon later this afternoon and scheduled to have the ovarian mass removed on June 7th. That way I can also make my way to the Memorial Golf Tournament in Muirfield this year. Last year I was too sick to go and never thought I would see another tournament.

It's amazing how far I've come. Again, I am doing things I never dreamed of being able to do again. I leave to DC for business tomorrow night for the remainder of the week.

Keep the emails coming...and don't forget the prayers!

Love and Hugs to all, Carol

TOP

Monday, April 5, 2004 10:23 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Well Wishers,

I get to remain on hormonal therapy (not chemo) for another two months. Not sure where I plan to go but will definitely take advantage of my time off of chemo. I've been having some terrible joint pain (in knees and feet) from the hormones but other than that, I've been feeling pretty good.

We had a fantastic trip to Pebble Beach, Pacifica and Half Moon Bay. We rented a Cadilac Deville, stayed at some luxurious hotels (e.g., the Inn at Spanish Bay and Half Moon Bay's Ritz Carlton). We played golf at Spanish Bay twice and played both the Old Course and the Ocean Course at Half Moon Bay. Two nights at the Ritz with golf ran a tab of about 1200.00!! It was still well worth it.

Last June, I only dreamed of making this trip. Then it became a reality!!! Never thought it would become something I would actually do. Mark and I had a great time! Ate some good food and drank some good drinks.

I will see the doctor again on April 26th and scans will likely be scheduled. I had an ultrasound last week on my right ovary. There was a growth about the size of a golf ball that will likely need to be removed and biopsied. I'm not too concerned about it since I've had ovarian cysts in the past.

I've been making it downtown to my office on a regular basis. It feels good to get out of the house especially as the weather gets warmer.

Will be making a trip to Myrtle Beach in May to visit my friends Pat and Patti and attending Mark's neices' gradutation.

Take care and drop me a line.

Love and Hugs, Carol

TOP

Tuesday, March 16, 2004 10:38 AM CST

Dear Friends and Well Wishers,

I am still doing fine on the hormonal therapy. Will see Dr. Thompson on the 29th of March for a follow up. I am assuming he will leave me on the hormones thru the end of April and then request a complete series of scans to assess the success of the hormones. I am still a little fatigued but have more life in me than I've had in 17 months.

Mark and I leave to California on Thursday, March 18. We are flying into San Jose and driving to Pebble Beach for two nights; then Pacifica and Half Moon Bay's Ritz/Carlton hotel. We will return on the 24th and planning to play golf three times. Looking so forward to it! I am certainly taking advantage of the 'hormonal months' and dread the day I have to get back on chemo.

My hair continues to grow longer everyday. I had it highlighted back to blond two weeks ago and it's already showing the darker roots so that tells you how fast it is growing. I seem to be trying to do something different with it each day as I am not used to wearing short hair styles.

Cindy Senn--heard you broke your foot vacuuming the stairs!! Hope all is well.

I saw Pam Franceschi on my flight to DC last week. She looked great! Got to see lots of people at the Secret Service last week. Having cancer, my name is well known throughout the agency now. People I didn't know before know me now. When you have a terminal illness, you really stand out. I'm still a fighther but it's easier when I am not on chemotherapy treatments and staying out of hospitals.

Take Care and drop me a line! Hugs and love, Carol Kover

I promise -- new pictures from CA.

TOP

Saturday, February 28, 2004 5:49 PM CST

To all my well wishers and friends state side and abroad:

I had a fantastic time on my cruise. Terri (my 13 year long neighbor) and Laura (Trouve') Murnen made it all possible. We gambled, we drank, we soaked in the sun, we visited Jamaica and Grand Cayman Islands; we ate and ate!

I walked more than I have in six months. I felt terrific except for one night and for that night, the sun was to blame. I failed to put the sun screen on until later.

In Jamaica, I walked to steps up and down Dunn's River Falls and stopped to see the dolphins swim with the tourists. In Grand Cayman, we visited the Seven mile beach which was beautiful. I even swam in the ocean. That was something I thought I would never have the strength to do. And I did it!! I was elated.

I am planning another trip to California. Half Moon Bay and Pebble Beach for March.

I will see the doctor this Monday. I hope to remain on the hormone therapy for several months to a year. Upcoming scans will determine just how long I can remain on hormone therapy.

Love and hugs to all. Please write.

Carol Kover

TOP

Tuesday, February 3, 2004 1:20 PM CST

To my well wishers,

At last! I am now on a hormone treatment called Femara. It's a daily pill and will replace chemotherapy drugs as long as it is working. How will I tell if it's working? By montly scans. My baseline scan will be on Feb 10th and a follow up will be conducted shortly after I return from my cruise.

My cruise is on for 21 Feb. It will take me to Jamaica and Grand Cayman Island and will last a total of five nights. I am looking forward to it. Most of the chemo should exit my system by then and I hope to be feeling fairly normal. Going to start walking at the YMCA and lifting some light weights and try water aeorbics this week.

Last week I flew to DC on business. I was able to function pretty normally the first day and worked 7 hours. The second day I was tired and worked only 4 hours. Took a four hour nap and made it to the NBA Wizard game with my friend, Pete Shepard. We were about 10 rows behind the players and he got parking in the arena MCI garage so walking for me was minimal. It was awesome.

Well, wish me the best on the hormone treatment. I will keep you posted with updates as I get them.

Love and hugs to all, Carol

TOP

Monday, January 12, 2004 10:05 AM CST

To my well wishers around the world:

At last, an update.

I have to admit to all of you that I really finally just made up my mind to continue my fight and battle with cancer. There have been days I have felt like giving up and letting the cancer just take its course. But now that I have made the decision, I feel that I am doing more living than thinking about just the cancer. It has been a great relief to me.

My hair continues to grow in curly and brown. Will have it colored and get some help with the short style before going on the cruise in Feburary (21-26th). Many thanks to my friend, Deborah Richmond for bringing over quite a selection of "cruise wear" clothing last night. It will save me a ton of money and energy! I'm sending her out with a couple hundred dollars to pick up a few more items and I'll be set for the cruise. I doubt I'll have the energy to get off the ship at the ports but will make every effort I can to try. I'm going to inquire about wheelchair availability or a moped to get around.

The doctor only agreed to give me two weeks off before the cruise so doubt the chemo will be completely out of my system enough to restore energy levels. It might but I doubt it. We spoke of continuing three more cycles of chemo before considering a couple hormonal cycles (non-chemo). It will depend on the next series of scans.

My mother is doing well from her surgery. She wants to do more than she can and gets a little upset that she can't but it has only been four weeks since her surgery. She needs more time. She scared the family a few days post op when she called home and didn't know why she was in the hospital, didn't know what hospital she was in nor did she remember our visit the evening prior to. The doctor beleived it to be a mini stroke or side effect from medication. Luckily, we can all laugh about it now.

Dad is doing a great job taking care of all the chores for her. She asks for very little.

My step son, Zack, continues to visit frequently. Since he drives, he has so much freedom and independence. He continues to develop into the fine man that Phil was. He is very affectionate and caring. Hope to take him on a vacation this summer with a friend of his. I'd love to take him to Pebble Beach or Half Moon Bay in CA.

Enough for now. Please write. Hugs to all. On my way to chemo this morning.

Carol

TOP

Tuesday, December 9, 2003 2:13 PM CST

To my friends and well wishers,

I'm sure you are all doing your holiday traditions of shopping, decorating and getting ready to be festive. I did manage to buy a small tree and decorate with lights and did most of my shopping last week with the help of friends. I still have alot to do.

I saw the doctor yesterday. My scans showed continual improvement in the liver and my tumor markers continue to decline. It did reveal a spot on my right ovary that he will have scanned next month. It is likely a cyst but may have to be surgically removed and biopsied. I've had trouble with ovarian cysts in the past so that is likely what I hope it is. The dr. is going to break from chemo for a few weeks before my cruise; administer a few more chemo cycles and then look into placing me on a hormonal drug which consists of a monthly injection. It's supposed to work well with my kind of cancer. It will give me lots of more energy and a chance to return to better quality of life as long as it works.

My mother, age 69 is having a triple heart by pass next Tuesday. She was having some dizzy spells and got them checked out. The heart catherization last week revealed three blocked arteries and a valve problem. So she will also have a replaced valve. She will be tied up for awhile. I hope i can be of help to dad (who doesn't cook, clean or do laundry). YIKES! I need to lose the weight anyways. I am back to my pre cancer weight!! The chemo caused the weight gain.
My hair continues to grow in curly and brown. It was the talk of the clinic yesterday. I got many compliments from the other chemo patients who are jealous of anyone with hair.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I will see the dr. again on January 8th. Take care. Love and hugs, Carol

TOP

Tuesday, December 9, 2003 2:13 PM CST

To my friends and well wishers,

I'm sure you are all doing your holiday traditions of shopping, decorating and getting ready to be festive. I did manage to buy a small tree and decorate with lights and did most of my shopping last week with the help of friends. I still have alot to do.

I saw the doctor yesterday. My scans showed continual improvement in the liver and my tumor markers continue to decline. It did reveal a spot on my right ovary that he will have scanned next month. It is likely a cyst but may have to be surgically removed and biopsied. I've had trouble with ovarian cysts in the past so that is likely what I hope it is. The dr. is going to break from chemo for a few weeks before my cruise; administer a few more chemo cycles and then look into placing me on a hormonal drug which consists of a monthly injection. It's supposed to work well with my kind of cancer. It will give me lots of more energy and a chance to return to better quality of life as long as it works.

My mother, age 69 is having a triple heart by pass next Tuesday. She was having some dizzy spells and got them checked out. The heart catherization last week revealed three blocked arteries and a valve problem. So she will also have a replaced valve. She will be tied up for awhile. I hope i can be of help to dad (who doesn't cook, clean or do laundry). YIKES! I need to lose the weight anyways. I am back to my pre cancer weight!! The chemo caused the weight gain.
My hair continues to grow in curly and brown. It was the talk of the clinic yesterday. I got many compliments from the other chemo patients who are jealous of anyone with hair.

I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas. I will see the dr. again on January 8th. Take care. Love and hugs, Carol

TOP

Monday, November 24, 2003 1:18 PM CST

To my well wishers and friends around the world:

Fatigue is my biggest battle. If I could function more normally...work...travel...drive and shop, the word "cancer" would be farther from my thoughts. It is constantly on my mind.

I met another younger lady today that also had metatastic cancer to the bones. She seemed so optimistic but also shared that the cancer is never far from her mind. She also has a 7 and 10 year old to tend to. This other young lady's biggest complaint was pain in her bones that has to be managed with morphine. Not sure what I would rather be battling. Pain or fatigue. If the pain could be managed, I think I would rather suffer from the pain. The fatigue keeps me from doing the things that keep me busy and the cancer farthest from my mind. Cancer has definitely altered my life severely. I live in the present and not in the future. We should all do just the same.

TO KEN GOBLE: OF course, I remember you! I am sorry you too, are fighting a battle of cancer. Please send me your email address so we can correspond. Sounds like you have had your share of ups and downs.

I saw the doctor last week and I'm not getting the break from chemotherapy that I thought I was going to get. I may get some more weeks off but he won't quit it altogether. I was very disappointed as I was doing the 'countdown' for the chemo treatments. He is going to try to get me feeling as good as possible for my cruise on Feb. 21st. I fear I'm not going to be able to make it. I did get the insurance for 500.00 should I not be able to go. That was best considering my circumstances. I really hope to make it. And with more hair.

Speaking of the hair. Know I promised a photo. I'm just not ready. I still look best in a turtleneck. It makes the hair at the nape of the neck look longer. My sister tried to lighten it back to a blonde highlight. It didn't make it. It got a little lighter but not much. I preferred myself as a blonde bimbo that had to prove I had a brain. SMILE.

It's getting cooler in Ohio. It snowed this morning on the way to treatment. IN a way, I'm glad the cold weather is here. It makes it easier to loaf because of my fatigue. I do manage an occasional margarita. It doesn't have quite the same effect on the body. It makes me tired. Not tipsy. But they still taste good.

Would love to hear from you. Glad those of you post to the board. It really makes me realize that I am not alone in my fight. Love you guys, Carol Kover

TOP

Monday, October 20, 2003 7:33 AM CDT

To all my friends and well wishers:
It's so good to hear from all of you. This website has provided such a good means of sharing and rejoicing news and updates. Thanks Cheryl! Thanks also for sharing your story of the lady smiling proudly even though she was bald. I try to do the same thing. The one thing I did; however, was put my rings back on my wedding finger so people don't think I'm a lesbian! HA!

I recalculated my chemo cycles and it looks like I'll be done Christmas week! Each holday will pass so quickly. I'm planning on taking a cruise with my neighbor, Terri, who has provided me with a wealth of support through Phil's illness and now my own and my friend Laura (former H-berger) Trouve' Murnen. Planning to get a balcony room on the ship and live it up for a week in February. It will be my first cruise ever!

I'm sorry I missed my 25th High School Reunion. If I had known that I would have felt as good as I did, I would have planned to come. Little hair on my head and all! It's growing quite fast and I promise to post a picture of me with my new brunette hair by Thanksgiving. I miss the blonde and know it can be fixed but will keep the brunette for a little while and see what happens.

The word remission sounds like a good word to me. Will look into some new hormone drugs that may help to keep the cancer at bay. I heard that I should try to contact some of the major research centers like NIH in Bethesda, MD so will let you know what I find out about that. I hope and pray that I'm one of those miracles and live to see the age of 50!

Thanks again. Love to all. Hugs to all. Enjoy everyday and don't sweat the small stuff! Carol

TOP

Thursday, October 9, 2003 1:56 PM CDT

To my well wishers and friends:

Today, for the first time, there was talk of a remission and break in chemo! My scans showed the liver and fusions on the right side are improved. The doctor also indicated the breast mass was smaller and even difficult to find. He and I were very pleased (as were mom and dad)! He also indicated that I looked better (overall) since he's known me. He said that was the best sign.

Dr. Thompson wants to continue with three more cycles of chemotherapy to "beat the cancer down" even more before quitting altogether. This means 9 more treatments given three weeks on; one week off. I'll be done in January and then monitored every few months.

I finally tossed out the scarves and wigs and am walking around feeling proud of the little hair that I have.

And most importantly, for me -- for the first time ever, there was talk of a break being near. For the last year, I wondered if it would ever come. And I, my friends, am a very happy patient. Prayers do work!

Hugs and keep praying! Carol

TOP

Friday, October 3, 2003 4:56 PM CDT

To my well wishers,

My scans were just today. They did a chest xray and Cat Scan of my abdomen and chest area. REsults will be provided to me by my doctor on October 9th.

Can't believe it's been a year. If I had to make a list of all that I have missed out on, the list would be long. It's been a very rough and tough year.

I hope you are all enjoying the fall season. I've not been able to do much but do manage to get out to shop a bit and eat out with friends from time to time. Still working from home and make it to the office when I can. Far from normal but as close to it as I can get.

Love and good health to all. I'll be sure to make a post on the 9th with my results. I pray for a break from treatment soon! Carol

TOP

Monday, September 15, 2003 7:58 AM CDT

To my well wishers,

Thanks for the continued emails and posts of support. If you write personally, I will respond. Just so you know.

On my way to the chemotherapy clinic now for a 2nd round of my 3rd cycle of Gemzar. The doctor reported that I had no signs of new spread of cancer and that Gemzar appears to be working well for me. Scans are scheduled for September 25th.

I had a few bad days last cycle but stayed active on a few good days. Managed to play a 9 hole round of golf on Sunday and shot a 46 with three doubles; only one Par. Still made me happy to be out with friends on the course. Saw a few people I hadn't seen in awhile over the weekend so enjoyed that as well.

There was an article in our local Sunday paper of another Dublin area couple both battling prostate and breast cancer. They reported that there is a 1 in 6 chance of both a husband and wife contacting cancer though not always at the same time. I was amazed at the occurence rate.

Stay on top of your health checks and enjoy each day like your last. That's what I try to do even though I still find myself pondering the "why me" question in my head. I'd give anything to be or have 'normal' back again.

Hugs to all, Carol

TOP

Tuesday, August 26, 2003 8:45 AM CDT

To my well wishers,

My scans have been post poned til I get through another 6 week cycle of Gemzar. I was pretty disappointed as I was anxious to hear results but the doctor wants to give it more time since my body appears to be tolerating the treatment fairly well. So it will be at least another month and a half before I know just how well the treatment is working.

The cancer still controls me. I don't control it. I wake up everyday feeling differently than the day before. It's never consistent so it's still difficult to pre-plan anything. I did make a trip last weekend to my folks condo at Port Clinton (Lake Erie) and then drove to visit my 94 year old grandmother in the hospital. She was totally surprised to see me! Stayed the night with my cousin and aunt and uncle and had a pleasant time. The drive didn't bother me but really would have preferred to have been playing a round of golf with my cousin and uncle. Just didn't have the strength to do it.

Went into the hospital last night for an emergency xray of the chest since I was having some difficulty breathing and some discomfort. I'm still waiting for results of the xray. Hopefully, it's nothing new or serious. Will see the doctor and have my next chemo on 4 September.

Can't believe it's been almost a year since my diagnosis. Been a long and tough battle but at least I am getting some relief. It's not great,but it's better.

Take Care and live everyday fully! You never know what tomorrow will bring. Hugs and love, Carol

TOP

Wednesday, August 13, 2003 7:39 AM CDT

To my well wishers:

It's been awhile since I've updated. I'm doing well and tolerating the chemo drug called "GEMZAR" with little side effects. Scans will be done on the 25th so we'll know if it's effective. Know I am still fighting the battle of my life but try to stay strong and live everyday fully as I can. I am totally off of any pain medications so it's a good sign.

I am changing chemo treatment days to a Thursday so my worse days fall on the weekend as an attempt to get back to my office downtown twice weekly. I visited there yesterday and realized how much being around people help me achieve more normalcy in life.

I made the weekend trip to Oglebay. It was wonderful. I made it to the zoo, the casino, the arts and crafts festival and manage a frustrating game of 9 holes of golf where no lie was flat.

Going to DC on Sept 1st for a two night stay. At least I hope so for now.

I hope all is well with you. Kids will all be in school again soon. My son, Zack is playing the Varsity golf team and is already on the course just about everyday. He's the most wonderful kid --like his dad.

Take care, Carol

TOP

Tuesday, July 29, 2003 9:41 AM CDT

To my world-wide friends and well wishers,

I am amazed at your support as word continues to spread to all the lives I was able to touch.

As of yet, I've not been able to plan a trip to the beach or DC. I just don't have the strength that I desire to enjoy fully a stay at the beach. I have tentative plans to make a weekend trip to Olgelbay, WV. It's a small mountain resort full of golf. I have until Friday to gain enough strength to do that. Will let you all know if I am successful. The beach and the sounds of the ocean are my upmost desire but I had to settle for something close for now.

I saw the doctor yesterday. It's an off week for chemo and my blood counts are up to where they should be so that was positive. I had complained of severe aching pain about 3 to 4 days following the 3 cycles of weekly treatments and he said it sounded like the pain associated with the cancer being killed by chemo. That's also a good sign that this chemo protocol is working for me. I will have three more weekly cycles followed by a series of scans. I can only pray and hope for some positive results. I deserve a break from treatment to return to some level of normal life. It's been over 9 months now.

My hair is slowly returning. I was able to put some mascara on my 'virgin' eyelashes. That tickled me to death. I don't bother with the wigs any longer and walk around the house looking like Demi Moore in GI Jane.

I was able to return to my own home and have been there for over three weeks. It's home.

Keep me in prayer and keep the posts coming. REmember--men that are 40--- know your PSA! Carol Kover

TOP

Monday, July 14, 2003 8:37 AM CDT

To all my dear friends and well wishers,
Thanks for all of your lovely posts. I love to read them and hear from you! So far, I tolerated my first new dose of "Gemzar" with little side effects. The only complaint I had was nausea and achey muscles. I have returned to my home and love the comfort it brings to me. It makes me feel more normal and not sick with cancer. I will get my 2nd treatment today at 11:00 am. We'll see what the next week brings.

I did manage to play 9 holes of golf with my step son yesterday. Shot a 48 with a triple bogey on a par 5 (bad!!). It took all the energy from me but had saved it for the day as it was pleasant and cooler.

My next goal if treatment goes well will be a return trip to DC to work. Although I think a trip to the beach should come first. Let me know your vote?

I still want to raise awareness to early detection of prostate cancer because if we had known, Phil would be here caring for me today. I will miss planning and organizing the Phil A. Kover (PAK) annual charity event this year but hope to have strength to do it again next year. The event made the headlines of their national newsletter! Those of you who knew Phil, please play a round in his memory for me! Love and hugs, Carol

TOP

Monday, July 7, 2003 9:10 AM CDT

To friends and well wishers,

Hope you had a nice 4th of July. I returned to my home on the 2nd and had a nice cookout with friends and family on the 4th. It turned out to be quite a 'bash'. Friends took care of everything so all I had to do was sit and enjoy. We were able to watch the town's firework display from the deck on the back of the house. I wanted so much to try to get to the ocean but knew I lacked the strength to get anyplace afar. So friends bought a 120" inflatable pool and filled it up on the deck. Sat in the beach chairs and pretended to be at the beach. For the first time in many years, I wore a bikini! Down to an all time low weight that I haven't had since I was a Freshmen in HS. If I were healthy, I wouldn't mind being thin but now trying to eat as much as I can to gain weight back before chemo begins again.

Chemo starts today at noon. I can only hope for some relief. I feel pretty good now except for my breathing difficulties. I had to rent a wheelchair to be able to get out to places that I can't walk. I don't like being in a wheelchair but at least it gets me around at the park or the store.

For those former Heidelbergers...Kurt Weyerhauser paid a visit for three days from California. It was great seeing him again! Hated to see him leave as he was very entertaining and filled hours with memories and laughter.

If things don't go well with this chemo regime, we are looking into getting a referral to a doctor at Case Western University near Cleveland for another evaluation.

Phil's son, Zack has been with me all weekend. He'll be taking his driving test on Wednesday and has a part time job at the Kroger Pharmacy. He's grown into a fine young man full of affection and love. Lazy like his dad and an excellent golfer. His dad's old car is now in his possession so he will soon be able to come and go as he pleases. I'm sure he be back for gas money.

Take Care. Will try to update next week.

Hugs...enjoy life! carol

TOP

Tuesday, June 24, 2003 8:44 AM CDT

Sorry it's been forever since I have posted a new journal entry. I was in the hospital from June 10 til June 21st due to side effects from my last treatment. They performed a surgerical procedure that involved insertion of a tube into the chest cavity to drain fluid from my lungs (approx 55 ml). Not a pleasant procedure but I survived it.

The last chemo caused severe numbness of the limbs causing me to lose balance and fall to the floor. A scary experience for me as becoming immobile is my biggest fear. They performed a brain scan to determine if the cancer had entered my brain. All results being negative. WHEW!

Will start a new chemo regime on Monday, June 30th and pray and hope for the best. I deserve a break soon.

I continue to stay with my folks as I am low on energy. I continue to work for the Secret Service at home so I am very fortunate for that.

Hugs to all, Carol

TOP

Monday, June 2, 2003 6:19 PM CDT

I can't believe that it's June 2003 and going on the 9th month battle of my cancer. I now realize that I'm fighting for my life.

I really hope that none of you have to experience this. It is so crippling of dreams and filled with a psychological battle that I can't begin to describe. The loss of independence and the freedom to do the things that I use to take for granted.... I just can't describe it.

I expected to start a new chemo regime today but was referred to St. Ann's hospital to have my lungs tapped for more fluid (another liter and a half). The procedure consists of a needle through your back while you are sitting up (yes, wide awake!). Both doctors refused to show me the length of the needle.

I will start the new chemo regime tomorrow. I believe I will know soon if it is working if the fluid stops building up in the lungs (from an improper functioning liver).

I thank all of those that have written and those that have visited and sent cards.

Hugs to all...and don't sweat the small stuff!

TOP

Wednesday, May 28, 2003 12:09 AM CDT

Most of my family joined me yesterday to my visit with my doctor. I had a series of CT scans, bone scans, xrays taken last week and was anxiously waiting the news of some improvement. Unfortunately, the scans reflected that there was no significant change. That's not all that bad. At least the cancer does not appear to be spreading further. In fact, it reflected some improvement in the skull area.

Last week, I had a liter and a half of fluid tapped from the lungs. Not a pleasant experience. But it was indicative of the liver not properly functioning. So -- we are moving onto a different type of drug that should more effectively treat the liver but also provide me with a little better quality of life and less side effects.

He's given me another week off to build strength and energy; possibly an additional week. I hope to try to do some more normal things (like drink a beer and play a round of golf).

My hair is still slowly returning but am losing my fingernails and toe nails for the 2nd time. I doubt I will ever have it all back at once. It's always something. I try to stay upbeat and positive as I can.

It was June 1st,2000 that Phil was initially diagnosed. Been a long 3 years for me! Keep praying! And keep enjoying every day as it comes!

Carol

TOP

Sunday, May 11, 2003 3:59 PM CDT

Hello to everyone!

Had a fairly rough week with my tolerance to chemo. But basically it was a combat with a fever that wouldn't break. It finally broke this afternoon. Even a minor fever wears me of alot of energy making it difficult to leave the house so today, I took advantage of it and got out for a bit.

I continue to stay with my mom and dad during the week and return home on the weekends when I can. The new chemo regime seems to be fairly well tolerated but it still STINKS! They have to practically kill you before you can get better. The chemo (Taxotere) is given for 3 weeks w/ 1 week off. My week off will be May 19-27th. The last time I refueled enough energy to actually get 2 rounds of 9 holes of golf! I didn't have the strength to hit the ball as long or as hard but I WAS OUT PLAYING GOLF! I even had a birdie but didn't turn my cartwheels. I let someone else do that for me! The "boys" drove me on a cart directly to my ball and pampered me so !!!

Scans will be on the 20th and readings on the 27th. Will need all the help I can get!

Phil's son turns 16 on June 9th! I still see him every other weekend and will be giving him daddy's car (95 Carmry) with a newly installed CD player then. Can't believe his gone from boy to man. He is now about 5'8 or 9"!! He called me today to wish me a Happy Mother's day. He enjoys having his two moms that spoil him so.

I've posted a photo taken today (Mother's Day) when "my girls" came to see me. They are Laura Trouve Murnen's (HHS attendee 1975-1976) 15 and 13 years olds (Jessica and Katie). They have also filled my void of being a real mom.

Bye for now. Carol

TOP

Tuesday, April 15, 2003 12:29 AM CDT

To my colleagues and well wishers, former colleagues, friends, family, and golf buddies:

I tolerated my 3rd weekly treatment yesterday. The side effects seem to be about the same. Fatigue and mouth sores. If Chemo is on a Monday, Wednesdays and Thursday seem to be my worse days for energy.

It's been tough going in for the weekly but I am meeting lots of young women and men (many even younger than myself) experiencing the same diagnosis. Seems as if it's the younger pre-menapausal women that are diagnosed in the later stages. Some have young children to raise; one just adopted 2 before finding her cancer diagnosis! We share stories, fears, experiences, expectations, treatments, side effects, etc. Some don't want to talk; but many do and others listen in. The chemotherapy room is always full averaging anywhere from 4-6 more new patients daily! I'm usually there for about 2-3 hours each treatment. The nursing staff is fabulous!

I've maintained a weight loss of 25 lbs since diagnosis and continue to eat lots of fats, proteins, carbs to regain an average of 4-5 lbs in between weekly treatments. When I was 160, I dreamed of being 135 -- but not this way. But it is a healthy weight.

Now that the warm weather is here; golf is never far from my mind. Maybe soon, I'll be swinging like the 'real' Carol again. I've received many threats from my girlfriends who want to 'kick my butt' while I am not as strong or hitting em' as far as I use to.

But I will be again. One day and hopefully soon.

I continue to work from home for the Secret Service and have a two night trip planned on 27-29 April as long as the temperatures and infections stay away. I will know about 24 hours in advance of the flight whether I can make it or not. My sister will travel with me to help out with my extra baggage. I miss everyone in DC and the daily interaction with peers and colleagues more than anything I know!

Take care and have a Happy Easter. Hugs, Carol

TOP

Monday, April 7, 2003 10:14 AM CDT

To all my well wishers:

My new chemo regime agreed with me fairly well last week. No side effects except the typical ones of fatigue and what they call 'the chemo mouth'. This week and next week will be the true test as to whether or not the doctors have found something that is tolerable. We already know it's effective.

I still find it amazing how our lives can change in a heartbeat. Most of the time, we can chose change; but not with this. My life, with cancer has been forever altered but not only in negative ways. I've learned that each day (even) with the chemo is to be cherished.

I've started to document 'my story' for possible publication. I think I've got a story that can and should be shared. Not only to educate people about early detection but to give those experiencing cancer some more direction and to let those close to those that have cancer know how they can help.

I thought I understood cancer when my husband, Phil was diagnosed and died of late stage prostate cancer just 17 months from diagnosis at the age of 43. But you really never, truly understand until you, yourself are told the words: "YOU'VE got cancer".

The thing I want the most is to just live normally just as I always had. This is the very same thing Phil told me two weeks after his diagnosis on June 1, 2000. Some of my old friends just don't know what to say. My advice is to do just as you always had.

For me, I can still laugh and joke and not just talk 'cancer'. And that's important!

This may be my last entry for awhile. At least until I get results from my next future scans.

Thanks to those who read my entries and to those who reply. I love hearing from you! Carol
Carol

TOP

Sunday, March 30, 2003 8:18 PM CST

Dear Well Wishers,

I am preparing for my modified treatment tomorrow. It's a reduced dosage of taxotere and hoping I will get through it with minimal side effects. The goal is to continue treatments to the best quality of life possible. It's not expected to leave me feeling normal; but better. If it is still leaves me with the dangerous side effects (e.g., low white counts, infection, mouth sores); they will change protocol again. The doctor indicated I have a hypersensitive body.

I am still working and very happy that I can. Work keeps the cancer farther from my mind. I keep begging my wonderful boss for more all the time.

My folks were in DC this last week for the 03 World Championship Figure Skating. They also got the grand tour of the U.S. Secret Service building. Even its location is the best kept secret! The cab driver didn't even know what the building was; only the address. The cabbie asked Dad and he gave the perfect reply. He said it was a "secret".

I worry for tomorrow but remain positive that the reduced dosage will leave me feeling better. If not, I know there are alternatives and I know that its typical of what Stage IV breast cancer patients experience. They keep moving til they find the chemo that is not only effective but something their bodies can tolerate.

Keep me in prayer. Thanks for your notes! Carol

2 new photos are posted --- post diagnosis.

TOP

Sunday, March 23, 2003 6:51 PM CST

I'm doing fine after a brief stay in the hospital last week with low white blood counts and some infection.

The doctor's are still seeking the right dosage of the chemotherapy drug that will leave me with fewer side effects. It appears to be an effective drug as the xrays revealed the lungs were clear of fluid for the first time in a while. Still going to be a few more months of chemotherapy but hopefully they will find a level that leaves me free of the effects.

Thanks for the emails of support. Carol

TOP

Friday, March 14, 2003 9:18 AM CST

Jeff T-- good to hear from you!

Mitch--are you still running for Mayor?

Thanks for all your wishes and messages of support. I'm still receiving weekly dosages of a chemo drug, Taxotere that has effected me differently from week to week so I never know how good or bad I feel. More scans will be done in a couple of weeks.

I hope you are enjoying the better weather. Again, thanks for your emails of support.

Hugs, Carol

TOP

Thursday, March 6, 2003 8:29 AM CST

To my well wishers,

Before chemotherapy on Tuesday, my friend, Mark took me to the indoor golf dome where I was able to hit about 25 golf balls!! They were all straight and it was quite an emotional moment for me since I hadn't hit a ball since playing in the tournament in Maryland with my friend, Terry on Oct 15th!

Chemo went as planned but at a reduced dose as an attempt to keep my white blood cell count from falling too much. I also started with a fairly low red cell count leaving me a little low on energy this week. I no longer feel the fluid build up in my lungs so I see that as a good sign. I'll see the doctor again on Monday. Hopefully, the weekly chemo will continue as planned.

I am attempting another trip to DC while my folks are there in March for the ice skating championship. It all depends on my energy levels. Also planning a long weekend to Tampa, Florida to relax by the beach and sun in April.

I still miss my hair but ordered another wig for a nice change. Will pick it up tmrw. I pray all the time for a long remission.

Cheryl--thanks for sharing your story. I didn't realize you put up quite a fight with cancer.

Love to all, Carol

TOP

Thursday, February 27, 2003 4:31 PM CST

To my well wishers,

The doctor postponed my first weekly chemotherapy treatment because of a low white blood cell count. It was 1.3 and had to be at least at a 2 before they would consider chemo. I was disappointed since I've finally come to accept that the sooner I get through chemo and find a chemo protocol that works, the sooner I can be in remission.

I do feel stronger and I've definitely become more optimistic by reading many success stories of lengthy remissions with Stage IV breast cancers. Even if I go into a remission (which is one wonderful word)and the only word that keeps me driving forward, the fear never will go away. It just never will.

I came to my folks to stay with the dogs again this week. I find lots of comfort waking up to a house with two people I love in it. It's nice to have breakfast and work around some noise and then have lunch.

Hoping the warm weather comes soon. Take Care. Keep the well wishes coming. I love hearing from you!

Carol

TOP

Friday, February 21, 2003 9:41 AM CST

To my well wishers,

I made it through my new chemo regime. It's a weekly dose of taxotere and so far, so good. A little low on energy but I feel pretty good. I need to hang onto a lot more hope and I think the only way I'll get that is to see some progress and disease regression. My next scans are in two months. They are most concerned about the liver not processing fluid so hopefully the taxotere will take care of the tumors around the area.

I keep reading about Stephanie Spielman. What a fighter. She was diagnosed with BC in 95 and later progressed to her lungs in 98'. She is still being treated with weekly doses of herceptin and is raising a family. That's what I call hanging onto hope.

I know I need to get past thinking about cancer and focus on other things and again, I think that will come with building more strength to do the things I enjoy the most.

It will happen soon.

Keep me in your prayers and I'll be back on the course hitting balls soon!

Luv, carol

TOP

Sunday, February 16, 2003 3:11 PM CST

To my well wishers:

I feel as if I'm starting over again.

I got the results of the CAT scans early and it wasn't what I wanted to hear. While things don't appear worse, it's not significantly better. The liver is not properly producing fluid causing retention in the lungs and abdomen which causes some difficulty breathing. The doctor said I would know when it got bad enough to have the fluid drained. (??) What I don't know is if the continued treatment will eventually remedy the situation.

The doctor is recommending a weekly dose of taxotere (chemotherapy treatment) since the other chemo treatments have been so tough on me with the side effects. He believes that the new chemo will allow me better quality of life during treatment including the possibility of new hair growth, more energy, better appetite and ability to travel, golf and do the things that I like and enjoy doing. He explained that each chemo treatment only takes care of 10% of the cancer so the chemo treatments will likely occur for another 4-6 more months.

I hope he is right. If I can live the quality, maybe cancer won't always be on my mind like it is when I suffer the side effects that I've been suffering.

I truly hope that none of you or one you love is afflicted with this disease as it changes your life forever.

I'll resume the new treatment on Tuesday, Feb 18th. I think I'll know the first two weeks what kind of quality it's going to offer me. IF the hair doesn't come back and I can golf bald -- I'll be happy.

My brother, Jeff and friend, Pete (from DC) are visiting this weekend. They are taking turns shoveling snow.

Take care and live each day fully.

Love, Carol

TOP

Thursday, February 13, 2003 11:16 AM CST

To my well wishers,

I have been in the hosptial since Monday night for severe dehydration caused by low potassium levels. After several IV's of potassium and two blood transfusions, I hope to be released today.

My CAT scan was done yesterday and was expanded to include scans of the lungs since the chest x-ray picked up an area that looked like fluid. We are hoping that is all that is was.

I'll post as soon as we know the results on the 18th. I'm ready to go home. At least I am eating normally.

Happy Valentines Day. Love to all, Carol

TOP

Friday, February 7, 2003 8:21 AM CST

Dear friends,

I am staying with mom and dad for a few days to overcome another case of "thrush" (mouth sores). It makes it very difficult to chew or eat. I'd rather be here for the full time pampering when I feel this bad. We've tried jello, whipped creme, scrambled eggs and broccoli soups. They all go down but still painfully. The medication should clear it up in a few days (I hope).

I've also lost all my fingernails and most of my toe nails as a result of the 1st bad chemotherapy. Luckily, new nail growth was already underway when the fell off one by one. It took a period of almost a month for them to fall. It's amazing how chemo works on those fast growing cells to destroy anything that was feminine about me.

This is why the last chemo and a trip to the ocean resort for a month will do me some good. I hear you grow an average of 5-6 inches of hair per year so hopefully, I'll come home looking like Demi Moore in GI Jane, as a minimum!

Both of the dogs are also here with me. Dad loves the extra companionship of the puppy.

I'll make a post on the 18th and let you know the results of the CAT scans. I just can't imagine them being negative!

Thanks again for your notes. Hey KELLY and DEBBIE --- WRITE!!!

Hugs! Carol

TOP

Monday, February 3, 2003 2:05 PM CST

Dear friends, colleagues and well wishers,

I continue to thrive after my 4th treatment. Today, at lunch, I went to the YMCA and lifted light barbells;leg exercises and walked laps around the indoor track. I am so anxious to re-build my strength to swing those golf clubs again.

The entire family plans to be at my side when we get my readings from my bone scans on February 18th. We just know it's going to be positive!! I am just praying the my last chemo treatment is that day and I can be declared into remission.

If in remission, I plan to rent a beachfront home north of Myrtle Beach for several weeks to build more energy strength and an even more positive attitude. I don't think "Cancer" will ever be far from my mind but I think I can put it in back of my mind and enjoy life during a remission period. Many people have changed the way they think because of my crisis. They are more humble and more appreciative of the simple things.

I walked into the grocery store for the first time in 4 months on Sunday. I felt like an alien looking at everyone going about with their lives doing things I use to consider 'simple' and 'routine'. Now, if I can get in the car and go to the grocery store, it will be a gift.

I am probably being too 'up close' and 'personal' about my feelings today but I do want to share because many learn from anothers experience.

I pray that none of you are ever afflicted with such a crisis cuz it 'aint' been easy. But with you -- you all give me a reason to share and a reason to be positive.

Hugs, Carol Kover

TOP

Wednesday, January 29, 2003 at 08:13 AM (CST)

Hello to all my well wishers, friends, colleagues!

My #4 Chemotherapy treatment was yesterday. It went much smoother with the port in my chest. I was completed with chemo in two hours versus 4 hours. It used to take them one hour to find a vein for the IV. With the port, it's installed in 2 seconds!

My visit with the doctor was great. Scans are scheduled for February 12th and I'll know the results on Feb 18th before my 5th chemotherapy. He said that I would have 1 or 2 chemos regardless of the results. He did state that he expected good scan results as I seemed to be responding well to chemo and reporting no pain or symptoms. We will know more about my prognosis after that date.

I am much more optimistic of my prognosis after hearing from my doctor but also from reading success stories from total strangers and from colleagues with the same stage of breast cancer. Some of them have survived over 12 years from diagnosis but with continuing but sporadic treatment.

I have been with mom and dad since before chemotherapy. It's been a nice change of pace and of course, it comes with two to pamper me. I got the dogs with me as well as they have grown fond of my new puppy, Grover. He's a rascal!!

My step son, Zack, 15 still comes to visit every other weekend and is growing to be so much like his dad. He is now 5'8" with temporary driving permit!!

Take care and keep the well wishes and prayers coming my way.

Love and Hugs, Carol

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Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 06:56 AM (CST)

I can't believe that it's January 23rd and four months since my original diagnosis. I look back and honestly don't know how I made it this far. Emotionally, it's been a tough haul but I'm doing it. I'd give anything to live normally and look ahead too things the way I use to. It's hard not to be bitter but I am getting better.

Surgery to install the ports is tomorrow. It's only a 20 minute procedure and will make chemo easier for me and the nurses.

The trip to DC was great and glad I had my sister along for support. She was able to get a private tour of the East Wing of the Whitehouse by my Assistant Director's son who is a Special Agent. I realized the trip was too soon as I was easily exhausted by the walking and talking. It was, however, great seeing those that I knew and having dinner with some special friends.

I think I should wait til after chemo before I attempt a trip on my own. That could be soon! Chemo #4 is Tuesday, Jan 28th. Bone scans are to follow 2-3 weeks afterwards. I am praying for a remission from there.

Take Care and thanks for all your well wishes and prayers.

Hugs. Carol

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Saturday, January 18, 2003 at 04:16 PM (CST)

To my well wishers and friends. Got some great news yesterday. There is no longer obstruction like the spots that were on the liver in the scans before the chemotherapy trial. It is great news and indicates that the chemo is effectively treating the cancer of the liver.

I cried with relief. It was the real first indicator that the chemo is working. As well as your prayers.

My sister and I head to DC on Monday night for two nights.
I pray for a wealth of energy for the trip.

Take care and live today fully! Carol

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Friday, January 17, 2003 at 07:55 AM (CST)

Hello to my well wishers. I'm getting nervous about my first trip back to my office in DC. It's a short trip and I've got my little sister at my side for support but haven't seen anyone since September. They've all been so supportive so I pray for the strength to be able to reach out to each of them to thank them for that support.

Chemotherapy treatments are getting to me. I feel like I am half - living life and life isn't worth half living. It's only because I have so much hope and faith in god that I'm going to be able to live fully again that I find strength to keep moving through the motions.

I have surgery on the 24 of Jan to install a port into my chest so blood and chemo can more easily be drawn and injected. My veins have given all they can. It's minor surgery and lasts just 20 minutes. The thought of a tube to a vein in the heart just sounds scary to me. # 4 chemo is Jan 28th and bone scans will follow in 2-3 weeks. That will be my real measure of success and the results will make me joyful or make me sad.

Of course I'll keep you posted but I feel the results are going to make us all joyful because I have all of you praying for me.

Love, Carol

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Tuesday, January 14, 2003 at 07:47 AM (CST)

Good morning to my well wishers. I am surprised how many lives I have touched again through this web page. I still like hearing the stories of the survivors.

This chemo round has been a peak and a valley. I have a few good days that I can get out with friends, walk the dogs (the cat follows), eat out. Other days, I am in bed for an hour nap at each interval. Luckily more good than bad days.

My port surgery had to be delayed as I had a very low blood count and a fever of up to 103. They resceduled it following 4th chemo round on the 23rd.

I'm losing every single fingernail from the chemo but still growing hair! My sister and I are flying to DC on Dec 20-22nd so I can see the staff. Yes--I miss working the most!!!

Luv to all... Carol GO BUCKEYES!!!!!!!!

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Friday, January 03, 2003 at 02:12 PM (CST)

Well, 2003 has found us all. Just wished it found me healthy as I had so many plans for the new year but know I will just have to delay them a bit. Once cured or in remission, I will have to find myself some sun, ocean and shine! OH---AND GOLF COURSES!!!

I had a good exam with Dr. Thompson prior to Chemo #3 yesterday. He beleived the chemo was effectively relieving my symptoms. He lowered the chemo dose to prevent some of the side effects I was having as well as added a treatment that should increase my energy levels. I tolerated the chemo very well and met some new friends in the chemo lab.

It looks like I am having some hair growth!!!! YIPPPEEE!! One of the things I miss the most. My locks of blonde--yes--I was always a true blonde for those who think that I wasn't!

Hoping to make a short trip to DC in the upcoming weeks if my strength allows it. My wonderful sister, Barbara will be my escort. She has also taken over all my finances, paying of bills, balancing of checkbooks. Something that I couldn't imagine dealing with at a time like that. Just a suggestion if someone close to you and single is battling this.

I want to thank the many of you that have shared your experience with chemo and cancer. It's great to know that there will be life after chemo!!

Take care and enjoy life! Keep the prayers and well wishes coming! Carol GO BUCKS!!!!!!!!

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Monday, December 30, 2002 at 07:43 AM (CST)

Thanks again to those who have written to wish me well. I wish you all a Happy New Year of health, happiness and success.

Chemotherapy #3 is the 2nd of January. I never look forward to the treatment since it's followed by a period of weakness and sickness but know it's the only thing that will make me well. Bone scans will be followed by treatment #4 and if all is well, they will likely do 1 or 2 more treatments. That will carry me through the month of March and just in time to get myself in shape for golf season. I MISS MY GOLF!

I also miss my monthly visits to my office in D.C., and can't wait to get back to that routine!

Take care and enjoy each day like it's your last!

Carol

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Tuesday, December 24, 2002 at 07:18 AM (CST)

Merry Christmas to All,

I've managed to finish shopping through friends and family so I am ready for the holiday.

Remembering Phil has been, by far, the biggest thing on my mind. It was just 1 year ago, 26 December, that he was here and gone. My memories of the times we had together, I cherish every minute and know that he is watching closely over me. I hope that those that knew him keep him close to your heart. He was one fine man. I'v posted a photo in his memory.

My 3rd chemo treatment is Jan 2nd. They wouldn't move it up as I wanted so I could gain more strength.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,

Carol and Zack

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Thursday, December 19, 2002 at 06:15 PM (CST)

To my well wishers:

I wanted to share a note added to a Christmas Card from a friend that meant alot to me and gives the existence of this page alot more meaning to me: " Please know that the gift of sharing that you have given to your family and friends have helped us to be more humble and caring. You have done so very much for all of us.

It continues to be the side effects of the chemo that hit me hard each time. I think I experience every single one listed with each drug that I take. I've lost a total of 20 lbs since eating is very difficult. If I can't eat, I pull 2 Ensures out of the fridge and down 500 calories.

Chemotherapy, however, is still my friend since it's the only thing that is going to get me through this. Well, not the only -- you guys help alot too. There is not a day that I spend alone. I have several visitors everyday.

Dec 26th is the anniversary of my husband's death. I will post some new pictures in his memory around xmas.

Love you guys. Thanks for all your notes and your prayers.

Carol

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Thursday, December 12, 2002 at 06:56 AM (CST)

Hello to all my well wishers! I'm sure you've all been shopping and fighting the holiday crowds. I'm doing well and tolerating this new form of chemo much better than the last. I'm getting out, working, shopping, cleaning, cooking, having dinner with friends and finally doing 'normal' things.

I've decided to get completely through the #3 chemo treatment at Christmas and not take a break as I am anxious for scans to show me a remission

I hope I was successful in adding pictures of me and my wig to the album. You'll have to see for yourself. Still waiting for the new Halle Berry wig to arrive.

Take Care and keep me in prayers. Happy Holiday Season to you all.

Love, Carol K

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Thursday, December 05, 2002 at 05:42 PM (CST)

Finally--an update! I didn't have chemotherapy on Tuesday but an unexpected consultation with my great doctor, Dr. Mark Thompson. He placed me on a new chemo protocol that consists of three cancer drugs (FEC) so I didn't get my treatment until today. On Tuesday, they sent me to the clinic for a scan to assess how well my heart was pumping blood since the common side effect of FEC is heart failure.
My lipreading skills were really horrible that day! I tried to repeat what I thought he said and said "What, the F-CK protocol? What a great thing for cancer! He laughed!

He believes that combination therapy is most effective type of treatment since you have three drugs working on the difference cells. I will have two more treatments and then a bone scan. He told me that he could give me better indication of remission length and timing after the scans. He made me feel very optimistic. I needed that!

Doing okay today but very bloated because of liver involvement. Probably retaining up to 15 lbs of water below the waist but the doctor indicated that should diminish after this treatment. Thank god!

More to come later. Keep the notes and prayers coming! Promise a picture of me in the wig soon! Hugs. Carol

TOP

Monday, December 02, 2002 at 09:25 PM (CST)

To all,

Thanks for your many wishes of success for my 2nd round of chemotherapy. I am feeling stronger and stronger every day and managing to get out to dinner with friends (which I enjoy deeply). I finally tasted a beer and it wasn't bad. Haven't had one since October 15th. Got to be a sign of something!

The notes, well wishes and offer of prayer on this website and in cards are so encouraging and uplifting. There are just so many that it feels like God talking to me himself. I told someone that it really makes me want to wake up again very soon and be "Carol" again.

I promise to add new pictures of the new me. Again--thanks!
Two of my bosses flew in from the Secret Service from DC to visit with me today and tomorrow.

Love and Hugs and many, many thanks!

TOP

Saturday, November 30, 2002 at 03:05 PM (CST)

Hope you had a nice holiday. I spent Thanksgiving with my neighbor's family and it was quite a feast! Luckily just about everything agreed with me new taste buds!

I've taken some new photos of my new look and will add them soon.

Keep me in prayer on Dec 3rd. A little nervous about the 2nd chemo regime only because of what other drug did to me. I know it can't be near as bad!

Take Care. Stay warm! Carol

TOP

Wednesday, November 27, 2002 at 08:23 AM (CST)

Wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving. Be thankful for your health and for each day you are given. I am thankful for my family and friends that have come shining through for me during my illness. I am still overwhelmed and thankful for all the cards and well wishes, prayers, etc., that have come my way. I have found them very uplifting and encouraging and I feel as if God is talking to me through the many of you. I know that one day, I will get up and be Carol all over again.

Yesterday, I was fit with my wig. It's very 'chick'! I even recived a compliment from someone that new me (but now about the cancer) on the new hair cut. It moves naturally with the wind and feels so real on my head. It definitely lifted my spirits and my self esteem. I even went out to dinner last night with a friend and felt like 'me' again.

Anyway---Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. You have a lot to be thankful for. Luv, Carol

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Monday, November 25, 2002 at 08:35 AM (CST)

As always, thanks for your well wishes. It means so much to me.

My 2nd round of chemotherapy is December 3rd. Hope to gain more strength by then. Someone told me to look at chemo as 'my friend' and it will help me get through this. I know I've got to get sicker before I get better so that is how I am trying to face chemotherapy. Losing my hair has been, by far, the most emotional battle for me. I know, in time, the word ' remission ' will come and that will all come back.

My hair began to fall out in 'clumps' after my first stay in the hospital so decided to call the lady who prepared the wig to come in to shave the rest off. As you can imagine---that was tougher than the illness itself -- at least initially.

Enough for now.. keep the prayers going. Luv, Carol

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Friday, November 22, 2002 at 09:35 AM (CST)

Again, thanks for all your well wishes and prayers.

I was released from Mt. Carmel last night and am resting at my mom and dad's home until I get some strength back so I can resume normal activity. I hope that happens quick and thank god it's not golf season!!!

My 2nd chemo treatment is Dec 3. After the 3rd treatment, I'll know how well it is working through assessment of a bone scan. I know something has happened because I no longer need anything for the pain I was experiencing in my lower back and ribs!

Your prayers are working. I spent every evening I could in the little Chapel in the hospital.

Take Care. Hugs and Love, Carol

TOP

Tuesday, November 19, 2002 at 05:19 PM (CST)

I am still in shock at the number of posts to this page and it still brings tears to my eyes as I read them over and over. Believe me, it has helped me to read them!

I remain at the Mt. Carmel Hospital for my 7th night and looks like it will be another 5. What I actually experienced was a condition called "thrush" and a pretty bad case of it causing severe pain in the mouth, throat, esophogus and part of the digestive tract. It was caused by a bad reaction to the oral form of chemotherapy that I was taking. We'll be looking for the 2nd plan shortly after the Holiday.

I am up to visitors now that I am feeling and looking better. Just make sure your hearing is better than mine as my voice does diminish to a whisper at times.

Again. Thanks. Luv and hugs, Carol

TOP

Friday, November 15, 2002 at 04:07 PM (CST)

Gail Grooms left this message in the guestbook regarding Carol's admission to the hospital this past week so I thought I would post it here as an update in the journal.

Thank you so much Gail for letting us all know how's she's doing.

Cheryl

*******************

Hi everyone. I am a co-worker and friend of Carol's. Just wanted to let you know that she was re-admitted to the hospital on Wednesday (11/13/02) from complications of the chemo drugs and dehydration. How long she will be there has not been determined, but hopefully it won't be too long. According to Barb (her sister) the doctor thinks the chemo is starting to work because Carol is experiencing less pain and the tumors on the spine may be shrinking..... Let us all continue to pray for her and encourage her to continue the fight.

Gail Grooms
Columbus, Ohio

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Thursday, November 07, 2002 at 08:43 PM (CST)

Today was one of the worst days. Only because of side effects of the chemo. I guess it takes 'doing' to 'knowing' how it effects each one of us individually. I felt great after 3 hours of IV drips for nausea, high calcium and other things. Went to lunch and even shopping for nothin.....but bought a slick black Jones of NY leather jacket. My checking account piled up with enough money for a cruise since I'm not spending it for anything other than pills, drugs, toxins, etc.!

Again,I love being able to hear from each one of you...whether it's from High School, College, golf, work, family.... it makes me feel so good that you care.

Carol

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Tuesday, November 05, 2002 at 10:37 PM (CST)

To all my wonderful friends. Those who wonder if I remember you --- I do. I remember each one of you like it were yesterday!

I am doing well. Had my first chemo treatment on Monday and went to lunch. My dear friend, from DC flew in to be with me at my side the whole way. Having been through some tough experiences with cancer, he seemed to know what to say, what to ask and what to expect. We even had lunch after treatment. I had no fear and was feeling very optimistic about the results. What choice do we have? With all the well wishes and prayers you and many others have given also provide me with a wealth of support. The strength, of course comes from my own positive thinking. It is, however, compounded by my husband's death just 10 months ago.

I got a great pre-wig haircut just in case I lose my hair. Shorter than I am use to wearing it but love the look. It will make the transition much easier and made the wig experience a more positive experience.

Going to be doing some traveling in my good days and planning to start working tomorrow. Thanks again for your well wishes. I know it will work me wonders.

Luv

Carol

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Wednesday, October 30, 2002 at 01:47 PM (CST)

My visit to the oncologist confirmed Stage IV Metatastic Breast Cancer. It has spread to areas in the ribs, pelvis, skull, shoulders and spine. He recommended a chemo regime of taxol and taxotere and an oral form of chemo. Chemo will begin Monday, Nov 4th and given just once every 3 weeks and the oral chemo is given everday for 14 days. I should know the effectiveness of treatment after 9 weeks. The success rate has been good (80-90%) however, Stage IV Cancer patients stand an 15% chance of survival of 5 years; some go on longer and I intend to be one of those. Still working on gaining a more positive attitude that I know will come in time.

Luv you guys!

Carol

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Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 02:13 PM (CST)

To all that have posted well wishes, prayers, thoughts -- thank you! My family and I are all visiting the local oncologist this afternoon to discuss treatment options and diagnosis. I will likely seek 2nd and 3rd opinions before deciding a course of treatment. For now, I am still looking for the strength and the courage to fight this next battle in my life. Thanks again for all your support and well wishes.

Love,

Carol

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Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 06:16 AM (CST)

Dear Friends,

I've let Carol know about this web page and she simply responded, "I am speechless". You all are so awesome and I know that all your well wishes, prayers, support, encouragement, and love will help her through this.

This board is not limited to only HHS folks but to all family, friends, and friends of friends. It never hurts to have lots of prayers out there!

Cheryl

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Monday, October 28, 2002 at 08:35 AM (CST)

As you all know, Carol has just found out she most likely has Stage IV mestatic breast cancer which has also spread to her bones, ribs, and possibly her liver.

Please offer your words and prayers of support to her. We all know how the power of prayer can work miracles and it's important for Carol to know we're all there for her.

You may offer your words of continued support and encouragement to Carol by signing the guestbook.

This page has just been created. Please check back for additional updates.

TOPv

Monday, October 28, 2002 at 08:35 AM (CST)

As you all know, Carol has just found out she most likely has Stage IV metastatic breast cancer which has also spread to her bones, ribs, and possibly her liver.

Please offer your words and prayers of support to her. We all know how the power of prayer can work miracles and it's important for Carol to know we're all there for her.

You may offer your words of continued support and encouragement to Carol by signing the guestbook.

This page has just been created. Please check back for additional updates.

Love to all,

Cheryl

TOP

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